This is a polaroid of DARLENE with game-designer Allen Hammack during a theatrical production of CAMELOT.
Throughout my life, I’ve chosen to spend my time with people who have beautiful minds—those capable of intellectual rigor but are still open to infinite realms of possibility. All those I consider to be my friends can pleasantly converse on a variety of interesting topics, contributing their unique insights and unusual perspectives. This is also true of the men who’ve attracted my interest and fascination.
As I recall, during the vintage 1980s RPG era, I got on very well with TSR’s game designers. They are an interesting lot who converged on the small Wisconsin town of Lake Geneva, and all came from diverse backgrounds (physics, biology, history, theatre, etc…). Everyone was accomplished in their chosen field and everyone’s story was remarkable. This was the creative group at TSR I preferred to spend my time with. Missing my college days, I relished listening to whatever issue was worth discussing or arguing about.
In the early days of TSR, the game designers and writers were a creative bunch of people. Spending time with them was fun. I remember the “Fine Fellow” designation presented every Friday to someone on the third floor of the Hobby Shop who was deserving of that distinction. The reward for being a “Fine Fellow” involved lunch. Now was the Fine Fellow treated or did he have to buy lunch for everyone else?
Before the publication of the French translation, it was decided that a native speaker should review the manuscript before the print run. The mother of Mike Price, one of the game designers, was French-born and agreed to read the translation for mistakes. It is a good thing she did. The phrase “Carpenter Ants” had been mistranslated as “Prostitute Ants!” There was a lot of hilarity regarding that one. And for about a month, drawings of sexy ants leaning against lamp posts littered the walls of the hallways.
I also hung out with the game designers, writers, and editors during their game-play. I was able to appreciate their wittiness, their stratagems and the beauty of how their tactics unfolded. My participation was passive. I simply watched the action and hoped my presence wasn’t too disruptive. I was a Tom-boy growing up and always considered myself to be “one of the boys.” That’s why being tagged as the original “gamer-girl” amazes me. But now that I think upon it, maybe a talented woman artist with intelligence and allure would be somewhat noticeable among a roomful of males.
However, there were also people within TSR Hobbies who were less tolerant of my presence. I seem to have threatened some of the more immature of the artists, several of whom took every opportunity to discredit my chances of finding free-lance work at TSR. Ever wonder why I wasn’t assigned to do any cover work? Why would people (who got a steady pay-check) choose to make life so much more of a struggle for someone alone in the world trying her best to survive? What could justify treating anyone with such disrespect?
Now, three decades later, I am able to understand more about how projection works within the human psyche and can better recognize and appreciate the dynamic at work. People who know little about the subject, are referred the works of Robert Bly.
When someone sees another through the lens of their shadow, they are projecting their internal issues onto others. People’s shadows are filled with bits of themselves that they cannot accept as a part of themselves, so they stuff it deep away, relegating it to the hidden parts within their own psyches. There had to be something about me that resonated with some of their own shadow content. Thus, they were really not attacking “me” as much as their “idea of me.” However, I suffered the fall-out of their actions nonetheless.
I just googled the word “shadow” and “psyche” and came up with a quote by Jean Houston in an interview she gave to Scott London (The Salt Journal (November / December 1997) in which she said: “There are two great shadows in the American psyche. One is the rise of women — powerful women, intelligent women. There have always been powerful and intelligent women, but they have not necessarily been in the public eye before. And the other is the fear before imagination. Take those two together and you really have the shadow of our age.” Wow, I think I’m going to meditate on that.
I have since taken Gary Gygax’s advice when he offered it in 2004 and have forgiven all those TSR people who, knowingly or unknowingly, did harm to me. And I pray that what ever internal issues I mirrored finally got resolved. In the meanwhile, I will continue to laugh, dance and play with the beautiful people who are my friends—those who have honored and fostered the beauty within me.
